James T Kirk's REAL adventure
by Erman Bullock
Summary: It was super rad and hip.


Star Log 806:

 _During our last mission, it was fairly obviously something went wrong. Terribly Wrong… There was a nasty explosion coming from this box that an alien envoy had sent our way as a 'present'. Naturally my good friend, Spock, had notified me on the suspicious nature of this device once it came into my processions, but I was resistant to his reasonable argument and dismissed his concerned prematurely._

 _It was only a matter of moments until it executed its plan and we were left confused and hungry. Looking around, we notice that we were all transformed into our pubescent forms. Apparently falsely aged particles trapped in the device proceeded to cause our own molecules to chemically react inversely with time itself. Alone with my friends, hungry, and transformed into a acne stained teenager, we were forced to return to our youthful ways as high-school students._

 _I hope to god we can find the solution to this problem soon, I don't want to go through high school a third time. Anyway. This is James T Kirk, captain of the Starship Enterprise. Over and out…_

James turned off his recorder and put it in his baggy jean pocket. He had been in this pathetic state for about a week, and he was still not used to it.

"What's wang, Ye lad!" James' good old friend Scotty whispered intimately into his ear.

"I don't know…. Just sucks… You know?" James spoke to his comrade. "How about you?"

"Well O thank dat Machine O there turned ma Gay"

"Oh. Are you sure? Spock ran tests and it only turned positive for time particles, no gay particles there."

"huh? Ya suuuure… weird! Nevermind then, I actually was telling a joke, Ya shee? Yes!" Scotty blushed and hid himself as he landed his face on the school deck.

"It wasn't funny"

"Ya I know it wasn't… It's just a…. Dang it Jim! I'm a student, not a social rights activist! Nevermind… Stupid" Scotty tried laughing, but it only made the situation more awkward. There was an awkward silence after the whole ordeal making Scotty face go all red.

James ignored him. He didn't have time for any nonsence, he was tired of all of this. His teacher was doing a lecture on ethics in the workplace, one that James didn't care about in the slightest. He was taking the first chance he got, regardless of the whole 'blending in' fiasco.

The moment the teacher stopped looking at the class to talk and started to write things down on the chalkboard, James knew it was his time to shine. He stood up abruptly and took a sprint to the nearest window. He had four people in his way, he punched three of them to the down and straight out throw the fourth head first into the crowd.

"Geepers Creepers Jim! Should I at least come with ya!" Scotty said to the running man.

"Truth be told Scotty, I don't really like you that much. You keep touching body without my consent. I was trying to be polite and pretend that I didn't notice. But believe me, I did!" James shouted back angrily.

"Gosh Dang it Jim! Ya should O said sometin! I'll be gentiler next time…." Scotty said with hope in his eyes.

"Nope. I'm outta here!" Jimmy said as he broke through the glass window. It was a long drop, but he eventually was led into the Jungle outside. He run as fast as he could into the tree line ahead. He had finally done what he wanted to do for so long, he skipped the prison they called school. It was his turn to truly become a wild man, just like his childhood role model: George of the Jungle.

Star log 906:

 _I have been in the Jungle for a year or more. Actually I don't know how long it's been. I grew out my hair, and I pretty much everything you could find on a teenage boy's body. It may be shocking for an adolescence boy to have survive the jungle this long. Well let me tell you, it hasn't been easy._

 _I have been bitten by every insect imaginable. Bees, snakes, nothing it beyond the jungle. My whole body has either become bit marks or calluses. My clothes has melted away from me in an attempt to avoid my vile stench. In fact, at some point, even the bugs started to finally give me some piece or die trying. I have a house made out of twigs and dead animals. And everything I eat has been poisonous either physically or mentally to me. Only my mindset has lasted me this long._

 _Hopefully, Spock and the others have gone looking for me by now. Perhaps they have already but didn't recognize me. In fact, I don't even know if I might mistake them for proper food at this point. Raw if anything. Fire doesn't exist in his savage world. Burning flesh my even sound like a great prospect to a man like me now. All I need to do is….._

A roaring sound came in the distance. The sound of the Starship Enterprise was as close as nails. James knew that it was his last chance to be found. He climbed the nearest tree; which was actually pretty high, but his primal instinct gave him remarkable climbing abilities. He would probably now be a Teir 6C on versus wiki.

"Hey, over here" Jimmy suddenly realized that his yelling might be inaudible to them now. But regardless, the ship reacted, so someone actually hear him and his super human voice.

"Captain Kirk… A pleasure seeing you here. We actually forgot about you. We cured ourselves within hours of your sudden departure. Anyway, we are going to sent a pod down to pick you up. I hope you remember the Special Key code Prompt Password."

It was good to hear Spock's voice again, thought James. And in fact he did now the password, it was 45-36-228. That's right! All he needed to do was simply type that very easy code and his freedom would be assured.

Once the pod came down, the door of the pod was ready to open on his command. The command that was simply: 45-36-228.

Suddenly, he realized a problem. His fingernails were too long for the prompt. You see, each number key required the tip of his finger to be flat against the surface, but the way it was designed had a purely decoration overhang on the top of the prompt. But his fingernails were too hand to break off and the key pad was too small to fully fit his fingers to the keys at they needed to be. It wouldn't have been a problem if James didn't decide to be such a wild man.

Suddenly, Uhura's voice echoed from the speaker. "Come on James! The password is 45-36-228. And if you forgot, all you need is to input this number sequence into the prompt."

Not being up on a very tall tree, his voice was not strong enough to reach their eyes that there was such a problem. He tried and he tried to type it, and all it did was cause pain.

Spock started to sound a bit angry. "Look captain, we don't have much time until we have to go. If you don't go into that pod by typing 45-36-228, then by process of elimination, we will assume that you are not consenting to join us.

James started to cry like the baby he is. He WANTED to go and he was TRYING, but he COULDN'T DO IT. It was only a matter of moments until they would leave him here to die alone in this god forsaken jungle.

"Last call, any …takers? The number sequence was and still is 45-36-228." Mr Sulu reported.

That's it. James was prepared to die. And his friends would think that he wanted it. It wasn't like he actually wanted it or anything…

"Received. Good luck, Captain!" Spock spocked the final words as the Enterprise leaped into space at warp speed, along with his hopes and dreams.

Eventually, James died alone and sad live in the Jungle because he decided to skip school. Overall kids, don't skip school.

THE END


End file.
